Rolling in the deep

"Rolling In The Deep"

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your shit bare
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bringing me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.


I am not going to pretend I am okay right now. I don't have enough strength. But the Lord is my refuge and my stronghold and will give me that strength. I have had the busiest week I have had in a long time. This has helped me get my mind off of the situation a bit but it still stings. I haven't been crying as much as I was and I seem to be laughing more.

I feel like part of me has died. Like I have experienced a death in my family. There is a part of my heart that is empty. My heart is in mourning. I have never felt this ever. I have been in love before, but nothing like this. I was willling to give up everything for you and you were going to let me. I am in love with what I thought we had but in reality if you were lying and cheating on me we had nothing at all. I have no trust right now. None.

Having someone tell you that they can live without you and for the past 3 years they have been telling you they can't is hard to take and is a slap in the face. I am the one that left. I had a reason to. Everbody has opinions on this situation. That since he cheated it should be easier, that I shouldn't love him anymore, that I shouldnt care, etc. I understand where everyone is coming from. People say love is a choice and you have a choice to get over this. Yes, I do have a choice and with God's help he will heal me of this. But it will take time. Lots of it. And for now I am not okay and it still hurts as much as it did the first day. I am not a patient person at all and I just want it to go away now. I don't want to fill this void in my heart and soul with another relationship that won't work out in the end anyway. Right now I am not capable of opening my heart to another. This one hurt enough. In time I will be able to but not now.

I just want to be restored. I wish I could forget all of this and wish none of it ever had happened. If I knew this would have happened in the end I would have never gotten involved. Living day to day is a struggle. Not waking up to his text messages is a big one for me. Those always helped me get through the day. Not talking to him after I have had a long day of school and work. Not hearing his voice or skyping. This hurts a lot too. Knowing that he isn't feeling the same pain as me and that I cared so deeply with all my heart and he didn't. That is a stab in the heart for sure. The thought of him being with anybody else swallows me up and leaves me hypverventilating. This will go away in time but right now it isn't.

This has been the most tramuatic experience of my life. Even though I am hurting God has been blessing me and showing me he will never leave me. He has been blessing me with great friends, a great support system, and people who will just listen to me vent. I am very appreciative of that. Also, when I was at work yesterday Jesus blessed me with an angel. I was sacking up an elderly man's grocceries. As I was doing that he started talking to me. He was saying you will be okay. You have so much going for you. I know you have been through a lot lately and you feel like giving up. Trust in him and let him lead you on his path. Cast all your fears upon him because he cares for you and loves you. Don't let all the crap that has been going on in your life ruin the beautiful soul that you have. Then he said I will be praying for you Grace. Don't give up. I was speechless!! This was so crazy but I was so encouraged. He didn't know who I was or anything about me but God gave him the words to say and it truely was an angel! God has been blessing me with lots of angels lately. He is showing his love for me. He knows I am in pain. He wants to take care of me. That is why I have been crying out to him. Giving him all of my fears, angers, emotions, frustrations, giving it all to him. I don't want to be bitter, I don't want to be filled with anger, I don't want to have hate in my heart. I just don't want to feel this way anymore. Jesus please take my mourning and sorrows away. I can't handle them.I need to hold on to the hope that things will get better. I am just waiting for when that happens.

Gigi