Today has just not been my day. Okay how about this weekend hasn't been good at all. I was supposed to have this wonderful weekend in Brookings but it turned out to be the complete opposite. Don't get me wrong it had it's good moments but the good moments were just completely ruined by the bad ones. Then I was hit with some news that I guess i've been expecting, but I didn't think it would hurt this bad. To add on to my having no job, fighting with my parents constantly, and not knowing where my life is going, I feel like im losing the one thing that I've wanted for two years and the one thing that was constant in my life. I don't know if im losing him or what it is. I've made a decision and i'm going to stick with no matter the consequences. I just hope it works in my favor. I would love for one thing to work in my favor. Just this once. I'm extremly broken. I hate being lied to. I think God wanted to teach me a lesson on honesty and lying this weekend because alot of people that I truely trusted lied to me this weekend. I am always upfront and honest.Nothing hurts more than someone who is dishonest to me. Someone could cheat on me, treat me like crap, or ignore me but nothing is worse than being lied to. Being lied to makes me sick. I've been completely nauseaus all day because of what has happened. I'd rather hurt someone with the truth than lie just to sugar coat things for awhile. I am not trying to be negative or be down. I am just broken. I am hurting. I want stability. I want to be whole.I am alone. I want this storm to pass so that I can finally be happy. Things always get in the way of me being happy. That is why I expect the worst out of people and situations so that I don't get my hopes up. I thought I had everything planned out. I was about to uproot my life for something I strongly believed in and still do, but I guess things get in the way. I want to know what the future holds. But it's out of my hands. I am 20 years old and I have found love but I dont know what will happen next. But I do know one thing I believe in this type of love and have found this..""The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever." Even in all my brokenness you bring me peace, contentment, and a love that I know I will never find again.
"I think our love can do anything we want it to."
-gigi
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