Honesty

Today has just not been my day. Okay how about this weekend hasn't been good at all. I was supposed to have this wonderful weekend in Brookings but it turned out to be the complete opposite. Don't get me wrong it had it's good moments but the good moments were just completely ruined by the bad ones. Then I was hit with some news that I guess i've been expecting, but I didn't think it would hurt this bad. To add on to my having no job, fighting with my parents constantly, and not knowing where my life is going, I feel like im losing the one thing that I've wanted for two years and the one thing that was constant in my life. I don't know if im losing him or what it is. I've made a decision and i'm going to stick with no matter the consequences. I just hope it works in my favor. I would love for one thing to work in my favor. Just this once. I'm extremly broken. I hate being lied to. I think God wanted to teach me a lesson on honesty and lying this weekend because alot of people that I truely trusted lied to me this weekend. I am always upfront and honest.Nothing hurts more than someone who is dishonest to me. Someone could cheat on me, treat me like crap, or ignore me but nothing is worse than being lied to. Being lied to makes me sick. I've been completely nauseaus all day because of what has happened. I'd rather hurt someone with the truth than lie just to sugar coat things for awhile. I am not trying to be negative or be down. I am just broken. I am hurting. I want stability. I want to be whole.I am alone. I want this storm to pass so that I can finally be happy. Things always get in the way of me being happy. That is why I expect the worst out of people and situations so that I don't get my hopes up. I thought I had everything planned out. I was about to uproot my life for something I strongly believed in and still do, but I guess things get in the way. I want to know what the future holds. But it's out of my hands. I am 20 years old and I have found love but I dont know what will happen next. But I do know one thing I believe in this type of love and have found this..""The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever." Even in all my brokenness you bring me peace, contentment, and a love that I know I will never find again.

"I think our love can do anything we want it to."

-gigi

Innocence

Innocence-Taylor Swift-I absolutely love this song and it's how i'm feelin.


I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin’ to get it back

Wasn’t it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been
You’re still an innocent
You’re still an innocent

There’s some things you can’t speak of
But tonight you’ll live it all again
You wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now
If only you would sing what you know now then

Wasn’t it easier in your firefly-catchin’ days?
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn’t it beautiful runnin’ wild ’til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been
You’re still an innocent

It’s okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin’ up now
Who you are is not what you did
You’re still an innocent

Time turns flames to embers
You’ll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too

Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never to late to
Be brand new

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights are still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been
You’re still an innocent

It’s okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin’ up now
Who you are is not what you did
You’re still an innocent


My life has changed alot in the past few months.I feel like I have been doing a lot of growing up and a lot of soul searching. Lifeguarding is offically done. I really do miss it. Well I'd have to say I miss the people more than lifeguarding itself. Laurel guards rocked this summer. I am currently unemployed, which is very lame. Findng a job in Sioux Falls is nearly impossible. This also sucks because I am only taking 3 classes at the moment because I did not make it into the nursing program for the fall and those are the only credits I need. I spend my days searching for jobs, doing homework, and working out. Prettyy boring. Also, my parents are getting very sick of me living at home. It's not my choice to be here but right now my financial situation is not very pretty. My parent's don't agree with any of the decisions I am making right now. I feel like they don't support me like a family should and they like to bring me down as much as they can. But I am 20 years old. I am taking control of my life and not going to let them control me any longer. Even though it doesn't seem like anything is going my way at the moment, lots of amazing thngs are happening. I am doing a new diet which is called Ideal Protein. This is the start of my fifth week on this diet and I have lost 20 pounds and 17 inches so far. I feel so much better about myself and I am a lot happier. I still have a lot of work to do but I know that I can do it.I have so much more energy to do things and I'm excited all of my clothes are getting big on me. :) Also, an old flame has came back into my life :) He is amazing. He is a great support system; something I really need. He builds me up, he's always there to listen, he always knows what to say, he's just everything I have ever wanted. I don't know where I would be without him, probably completely lost. I'd have to admit I am head over heels. I'm excited to see where this goes :) I am planning on moving out of the parents house in January. I finally have a plan and I feel so content. I am excited of all the lifechanges that are going to be happening in the next few months. I have been meeting a lot of new people lately. I am extremly blessed. I am loving life right now, even though not everything is going my way. Life is beautiful and precious and I don't want to take any moment for granted. But life can be very hard and it likes to throw me obstacles. I know everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope."


Gigi