I've been through a lot this past year. I met the guy I thought would be the love of my life and the mean I would marry and dated him for three years on and off. I was engaged, I had my ring,I started to plan my wedding, and I had picked out my dress. We had a long distance relationship and we had a lot of trust in eachother. He would visit me all of the time and we always had a lot of fun together. Since we had a long distance relationship seeing eachother was always very special. I stayed with him in march for spring break. We were having a great time. One night while I was staying there his roommates had a party. I was very intoxicated and my fiance at the time just kept feeding me more and more alcohol. I remember leaving my drink sitting and coming back to it later that night. After I drank it, I felt very dizzy and blacked out. My fiance at the time would not take care of me. I begged him to help me because I was feeling very sick and dizzy but he wouldn't. I slept for a lil bit on and off and then woke up and was able to walk out. I remember walking out to the party to my fiance hugging and kissing over a girl that I had recognized and he told me was just a "friend." Ifreaked out on him and he pushed me in his room and I was taken advantage of that night. I remember screaming no and asking for help but no one helped me. I said no because I was so upset that he was cheating on me and I had a right to say no. But at the time I felt like it was my fault. Like I had done something for him to do that to me. I was also intoxicated so I didn't think anybody would believe me. The next morning I went thru his phone and read all of his text messages. He had been cheating on me with several women and was texting several women and was also talking behind my back in these text messages. I confronted him about it and he denied the whole thing and kept denying it. was in so much physical and emotional pain. I couldnt even comprehend what was going on and my whole body went numb. He went to work and I layed in his bed all day while he was at work since I was stuck in missouri and nobody would come get me. He kept texting me denying everything and saying sorry. I didn't buy it. When he got off work I begged hm to tell me why he did it but he would not. So eventually I gave him his ring back and asked him to take me to the bus station so I could go home. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. This was the man I thought was the love of my life and I had to say bye to him forever. Him and I continued to text and talk on the phone and begged for eachother back but we didn't get back together and that was for the best. Three weeks later he started dating one of the chicks he cheated on me with and to this day I think he is still dating her but I have no idea. After this tramautic experience I found out I was pregnant. I was under so much stress that I did not pass my final for nursing and was asked to leave the program. I was extremly crushed because this was what I had been wanting to do my whole life and I had stayed for the nursing program instead of moving to missouri for my ex. I couldn't understand why ths was happening. Also, four months into my pregnancy I found out I was having a girl who I named peyton lynn. I ended up going into early labor and texted my ex telling him I went into labor. He told me he didn't want to have anything to do with it and told me to leave him alone. My baby eventually died and that was a very hard experience for me. I ended up having to go through a heck of a lot of therapy to help me through this tramuatic experience. I suffer with maniac depression, I am bipolar, suffer from post tramuatic stress disorder, and have a paniac and anxiety disorder. I am on serveral medications but I have stopped going to therapy as of now. Over the summer I thought I was getting better. I had lost a lot of weight, I had dyed my hair blonde, and was working full time as a lifeguard, and was making a lot of new friends. This past summer was the best summer of my life up until the end of the summer. Then I started getting involved in drinking alot and getting involved with a lot of guys I probably shouldn't have. I recently got with an ex who was very physically and emotionally abusive and very controlling. Needless to say I don't have the best luck with guys. I don't have a lot of self respect or self esteem because of everything that has happened to me over the past year. Also, I was kicked out of my house and was homeless for a bit until my aunt took me in. I am still trying to figure out my living arrangements and will hopefully have a place of my own soon. I have been losing a lot of friends because of the choices I have made and I take full responsibility for that but I thought friends were supposed to stick by you through thick and thin? I am also taking a semester off from school. I was in the LPN program through southeast tech but one of the teachers told me i didnt look professional enough to be in the program so I decided to take a semester off. She really offended me and after all I had been through over the last year I could not handle this. Now I am working full time at b and g milkyway until it closes and am living paycheck to paycheck. My life right now is not easy but I am taking it step by step, day by day, and minute by minute. Everyone has been quite judgemental towards me lately. Maybe you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. Sometimes you have to look deeper to see why people really are the way they are. I may not be making the best of decisons right now but maybe there is a reason and I have been through alot and am still trying to heal from all of this pain. I thought I was over it but I am not. But even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger.
Gigi
